I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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