No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
