sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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