Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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