i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
