Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
