physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
