chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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