If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sex in a hospital.. check
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
