What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
