So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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