I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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