it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
