I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
