We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
