oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
