Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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