Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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