he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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