dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
