You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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