I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
