I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
