I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
