My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
