would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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