Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize