Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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