I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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