On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
