i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
