you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
