We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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