put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
