as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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