i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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