I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
