This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
