he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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