I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
