dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
