this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
