Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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