i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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