He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
