If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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