I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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