I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
