fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
