i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
