I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
