Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My bed smells like the plague
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize