I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize