They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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