I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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