bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
