Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
