Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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