sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
