That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
