She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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