I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
