You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
