life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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